Oftentimes parents are unsure of how much or how little to share with their child about their disability, and all that comes along with it. The assessment process, services such as occupational therapy, speech therapy, and specialized academic instruction, accommodations they receive in class, meetings held to discuss their goals on progress…This is a lot to explain to a child, and parents are often worried about their children feeling different than their peers, and ultimately feeling badly about themselves. This fear can keep parents from sharing anything with their child at all about what will happen during an assessment process, or that any process is even happening. When working in schools it was not uncommon at all for a child to be completely caught off guard when I pulled them into my office for testing. It can be uncomfortable to broach these topics with our children, and many feel like doing so is not helpful anyways because their child doesn’t typically choose to open up with them about their feelings. I’m here to say, do it anyway.
If a child is not prepped for the assessment process, imagine how confusing it might be for them when they are being pulled out of class to meet with several different people they have never met before, to complete a variety of assessments, and no one has explained to them why. In addition, without an adult supporting them throughout the process the fear that might be holding a parent back from discussing this topic with their child (hurt self-esteem) might actually cause just that. When the process and reason for an assessment is presented by an adult in a thoughtful and positive manner, the child can walk through it with understanding and ease. Without that conversation, however, a child is left to their own hypotheticals about why they are working with all of these new people.
It is completely normal for a parent to be unsure of how to begin this conversation with their child, and of how much they should share. Oftentimes, the assessment process is new to the parents too, so they might feel that they do not know enough to really prep their child for what’s to come. My suggestion is to reach out. Find out from your child’s assessment team what their specific process will look like, so that you can let your child know. An initial conversation with your child about the assessment process might include some of these statements, “Everybody has things they are good at, and things that are more difficult for them. There are lots of different ways to learn, and different ways work better for some than others. There are different kinds of activities that can be done to help figure out which way a person learns best, and which ways might be more challenging for them. This can help teachers to know how they can best teach each particular child. Also, it is sometimes the case that some kids need a little extra help to practice their ____ (motor skills, social thinking, reading skills, etc.). That is okay, and it doesn’t mean that anybody is better or worse, it just means that they might need a little extra help. We all need a little help sometimes. To figure out the way that you learn best, you will get to meet with _____, ______, and _____ to do some activities. You’ll do this ______ (when), at (where). If you ever have any questions, or you need a break, it’s okay to ask. When all of the activities are completed, there will be a meeting where we get to learn about what everybody discovered about how you learn best, and what might help you to feel the most supported at school. I know that it can be uncomfortable at times working with new people, and doing new tasks that might feel very hard to do. You can always ask for a break if you need it, and I am always here to talk if you ever have any questions or feelings that you want to share.”
Even if your child is not one to be open with you about their feelings, just letting them know that you are comfortable with the topic, and have opened the door for them, should they decide to step through it, makes a difference. Including them on their own IEP journey makes a HUGE difference. It is a gift that keeps on giving. Having those hard discussions in the beginning lets them know that there is nothing taboo about this. It is okay, they are okay, and you are okay with it too. There will likely be times on their journey that they will need support even if they don’t need it at first, and you opening the door in the beginning lets them know that even months or years later, they can still go to you for that support.
Is your child already well into their IEP journey? It’s not too late! Including your child in their IEP process is incredibly beneficial and important at any stage. The details will sound a little different, but the message will be the same.
For more individualized guidance on how to include your child on their own IEP journey, reach out through my website: LDonatelli-LEP.com.